My Wedding - a letter of explanation to a friend

So Penny, how can I explain an Indonesian wedding. Well, let’s start from the beginning....

Once we’d agreed to get married, Yohana, or Uciel as her nickname dictates, convinced me to use a wedding planner. Her sound reasoning said that, as we both work full-time, it would mean less stress overall. I’m not sure in hindsight whether that was right or not but I guess they organised a lot, even if they did leave one or two of the more important decisions to us, and a tad last minute at that.

Anyway, once we’d decided to use Natasya Wedding Planners, they met with us at our house and showed us what we could have. Basically there were food and entertainment packages and these could be applied to just about anywhere we chose. We’d already checked out a number of venues and had an idea of the place that we wanted but the more we looked into it we felt these other places were ripping us off. To use venues that already had their own caterers, they wanted to charge us service charges to use our own caterers. So, we came up with an awesome location.....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taman_Mini_Indonesia_Indah

On the outskirts of the city is a place called Taman Mini and it’s a park that, for want of a better explanation, is a miniature version of the whole of Indonesia. There are full sized replicas of houses that you can find on all of Indonesia’s islands as well as a lake with replicas of the islands themselves with the lake acting as the oceans, seas and straits that surround our archeapelago. All contained within a visitors park with cable cars and a great hotel, five minutes fromthe site of our wedding.

We chose North Sulawesi’s show house as our venue as it was a perfect size for 500 people. It caused a lot of confusion for many people who assumed it is where Uciel hails from. She’s actually from Klaten in Central Java.

But, back to the plan. I’ve split between clothing and the events for easiness sake....

Clothing
Originally I was going to have a light cotton suit in a fawn colour but on visiting the tailor provided by the wedding planners, this turned into a classic black suit with straight tie for the daytime and with the addition of a waistcoat for the evening. The best man and ushers were wearing the same (except for the waistcoat and their ties would be gold to match the bridesmaids.
Uciel had two dresses. One for the daytime, a classic, white kebaya (a traditional Indonesian dress which is easier to show than explain) which was made to measure and which she has kept. For the evening she wore a more western white wedding dress and, as she’s a little on the small side, it was short at the front and long at the back.

The girls were split into two groups. We had the bridesmaids and the ang-pao girls (more about the ang-pao later). They had simple dresses in white (bridesmaids) and gold (ang-pao girls)
My Dad and Uciel’s Stepdad wore normal suits (as it happened, they both wore grey)
As for the Mums, they wore matching gold kebaya in the eveing and their own dresses in the daytime.

Events
The day was split into two with the religious ceremony between 3pm and 5pm and the reception from 7pm until 9pm. It’s not acceptible to have no religion in Indonesia so if you want to get married without all of that you have to go to either Singapore or Bali, which is a Hindu dominated culture in Indonesia. Uciel is a protestant Christian so there was no messing about with swapping or converting religions as happens with people who marry Muslims.

The afternoon was exactly as you’d expect a wedding at home to be, albeit outside in glorious sunshine. The priest/pastor read sermons and we wear rings and sing hymns and I get to kiss the bride. Afterwards we sign a government document in the presence of a registrar and we’re officially married. To finish, it was just cake and tea for those who attended (about 100) while we went back to the park’s hotel where we’d booked rooms for our parents and us. Here the girls were able to re-do make-up and some people to change clothes. It was great being in the hotel and so close as we were able to chill with a beer or a coffee. Very relaxed.

The evening reception is what it’s really all about though. Muslim and Christain Javanese (from the island of Java) are complicated ceremonies with many formalities. I guess ours was a mix of both an Indonesian wedding and a western one.

The parents walk into the grounds first to be seated on a stage, followed by Uciel and I and then the best man and ushers paired off with the three bridesmaids. We take centre place on the stage, flanked by our parents, and we’re all sat in big armchairs and sofas (the male and female attendants now join the rest of the guests gathered at the venue.
There is an MC who narrates and guides the whole process...
1. approaching the stage
2. A prayer given by one of Uciel’s uncles
3. Cake cutting. Ok, this is the bit you’re really curious about. There were lots of tiers of cakes, but the symbolic cutting meant just pretending to slice the riers with a (real) knife, not a lightsabre The cakes are given to us to take away and distribute later.

4. Next was the toast. Some bottles of sparkling something (it looked like cherryade) is poured into a fountain of champagne glasses, after which, two bottles of Lanson were opened for the family. The toast is done with whatever is in your hand at the time. Most weddings are alcohol free events but we’d arranged a beer station giving bottles of beer away.
5. Speeches. This was a bit more western and my best man, Richard delivered a nervous, comedy-filled speech designed to poke fun at, and honour the two of us. After this my Dad gave his thanks to everyone. (Uciel’s stepdad is Korean and, I guess because of his accent and grasp of Indonesian, chose not to say anything)
6. Craziness. In our wedding plan, we were offered the choice of doing whatever we wanted here. We could dance, or have a quiz or, as most Indonesians do, do nothing. Our idea was to give a prize to someone. So we had a dance competition........ “Gangnam Style” . This, I swear, will ensure our wedding winds up in local legend as I’ve been told people have never seen anything like this before.
7. Throwing the bouquet. This was followed by a volley of fireworks located in the footlights of the stage, again, rather unusual by Indonesian standards.
8. Finally people climb the stage to greet us and the parents and then have group and individual photographs taken.
9 I said finally but it wasn’t. As 9pm approaced we were led from the stage by one of my teachers, Mike, for what he promised was a “special” surprise. He wasn’t kidding.
In our invitations we’d included the lyrics of a song. One from me to Uciel and one from her to me. I had chosen Peter Gabriel’s “In your Eyes” which you might know from the movie “Say Anything”with John Cusack. Uciel had chosen “A Thousand Years” by Christina Perry. Well, we sat on chairs in front of three of my teachers. Mike and guitar, Eric and ukelele and Chelsea with her flute, supported by two of our admin girls, Jessica and Dea on vocals. Then a microphone was pushed into my hand as i heard the opening bars of “In Your Eyes” and I sat and sang it to Uciel. This was followed by her singing her song to me.
To say this came as a surprise to us both is a complete and utter understatement (we needed the song sheets for the words!) but what it did do was end our night more perfectly than I can tell you. Even now, five days after the wedding, I am at a complete loss for words to describe the emotion I felt (and knowing how well you know me, I know you also can’t imagine me lost for words!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2v5d3WHVQFY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtOvBOTyX00

I never did get back to the part about the ang-pao. Well, as Indonesia has a huge Chinese demographic, it has adopted some Chinese customs and this is one of them. Instead of buying wedding presents, people put mney into an envelope as a present. I guess this was intended as a start for most newly-wed’s married lives and it’s continued as a tradition.

I hope this goes some way to clearing up confusions and I know I will have missed some stuff out. Please feel free to ask me anything at all Penny.

The end result is that something I thought would never happen, has happened. I’m married to the most beautiful woman in the world and I’m happier than a person has a right to be.  

Airport Style

I’m currently sat in Frankie and Benny’s, a franchised food restaurant in the departure area of Manchester airport and I am dumbstruck by the people I see walking past me. Normally just seeing airport prices, let alone paying them would send me off on some rant about how if they can afford to charge one price in The Moon Under Water on Deansgate, why do you have to inflate the prices just because your market is captured. But no, it’s the sartorial mish-mash that has caught my eye today.

It’s only in times of refelction such as this that one can trully appreciate the lengths that people go to (or don’t it would seem) to get themselves ready. When I go to work, I try to dress normally. This is by way of an example to the teachers on what they too can get away with and also stops me being laughed at by the students and admin staff. The one day I didn’t take my sunglasses off before entering the building caused me so much grief I’ve hardly worn them since.

The people here are heading for a foreign destination, and that seems to persuade huge numbers of them to immediately prepare for the beach. I can only assume that the minute they step off the plane they will hail a taxi and say “saya mau pantai” (take me to the beach) and forgo the whole checking-in stage at the hotel. Then again, maybe they’re the most pragmatic people in the world and are choosing to dress appropriately in case of a crash. Interestingly, any of these beach bums heading for Jakarta are in for a rude awakening when they find out how far away the beach is!

Other people are more soberly dressed, maybe hoping for a free upgrade (is this just an urban myth by the way?) still, I’m not convinced that a shirt and tie with a suit is the most comfortable way to fly, and especially not with the grandkids in tow!

Then there are the normal ones, the ones who have planned for every eventuality, but watching them is no fun. No, my favourites are ‘the others’. The select bunch who are choosing to make a statement with their dress code. Maybe they are just overly ostentatious. Maybe a day at the airport is the best opportunity that these people have to let their hair down, close their eyes and let their wardrobes decide on their look. Whatever it is, it brightens up the day of any casual people watcher.

It would appear that practicality goes out of the window in favour of cat walk etiquette. That or the ‘i’ll just come out in my pyjamas’ look, or the ‘today Manchester Airport, tomorrow Jeremy Kyle’ look or my favourite one of all the ‘it looked good on the model so it must look good on my obese arse’ style.

Yes people watching could also be renamed as ‘Things you see when you don’t have a gun’. This is much more in keeping and all coming from a guy in hiking boots, jeans and a Hong Kong Phooey t-shirt!! But I have pockets, you see. When I reached the check-in desk and the lady contradicted the website and told me “only one piece of handluggage is allowed” those pockets would have come in handy for emptying out the second piece of handluggage had I not been able to win her around with my natural charm and teary-eyed begging. Where would I have put the wasabi biscuits and pork scratchings if all I was wearing was a plunge necked see-through kaftan over a thong, topped off with a trilby?

No, it’s all about keeping up appearances, but for who? They don’t know the other people at the airport. They’re not going to suddenly meet Susan and Rob coming the other way down the concourse thinking “aren’t I glad NOW that I chose to wear this balerinas pink tutu with the leopard skin print bra under the white chiffon smock with the ‘daddy’s girl’ baseball cap” (all of these I saw at the airport today, I’m not kidding).

Bless...

Trains, Planes and Becaks

I'm currently sat on the Stevenage to Doncaster train having arrived back in the UK yesterday. At Doncaster I'll switch trains and complete my journey to Northallerton where my mum will meet me in the car and ferry make to Leyburn. As I sit here though, I can't help but reflect on the differences in train travel in different countries I've visited.

The first key difference is comfort. The UK invented trains and as such we have a long and glorious history of train travel. Old steamers, working their way around the country were replaced by diesel engines and now electric. But, as long as you can get a seat, they're comfortable. I'm sat at a tabled, four-person seat and I have access to free wi-fi and an electricity point to charge my laptop. The next carriage is a buffet car and apart from the brattish six-year old sat at the adjacent table it's a pleasant journey.

two hours ago at the ticket office that wasn't the case when I paid £91.00 for this single journey. Let me try to put that into some context for you. I can fly to Bali and to Belitung for that money. Return.

This is the current problem with UK trains. They're reliable, clean and have plenty of facilities, but they're expensive.

Train journeys in Thailand, Indonesia and India don't have the level of cleanliness or the amenities, but my experience is that they're pretty reliable and most of all they're cheap.

UK trains used to have a 2 or 3 class service with first class being the dog's nadgers with tablecloths and cutlery and wine glasses and this classification system still exists in Asia (although without the tablecloths and cutlery) making mass transport for the masses affordable and convenient as well as being classified to make the better off passengers feel, well, better off.

What i find more surprising is that the train seems to be virtually full but this may have more to do with the promotional pricing policy used to encourage people to book earlier. This same journey, booked the day before, would have cost £32.00 (However I consider this to be still expensive when you look at the cost of a tank of petrol).

That these prices are available suggests to me that they could be offered all the time and, if the environmentalists are to be believed, would encourage people to be even greener in their travelling arrangements.

Smoke and Mirrors

I may have posted something about this before but I wanted to go into it in a bit more detail. Let's clarify something, Indonesia is a conservative country, at least that's the official position anyway. But it's also a country on the cusp of big changes and will choose to go one way or the other. The current position, sat on the fence, refusing to choose one way or the other, is confusing and not unlike head + sand + burying.

In the far north west of Sumatra you will find Aceh province, an area torn apart by the 2004 tsunami and, as a way of stopping the decades long internal struggle, allowed to operate Muslim Sharia law. This means an extreme, and often somewhat bizarre point of view, when it comes to censorship, read the extract from a recent article in the Jakarta Globe to see what I mean...

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Extreme views are rife in the province where there are no cinemas, music concerts are few, and billboards depict females in headscarves.

“Women who don’t wear headscarves are inviting men to touch their breasts,” said 47-year-old teacher Tarmizi Mohammad.

“I think we should enforce Shariah laws further and stone adulterers and chop off the hands of thieves,” he added.

But the morals police faced a setback in 2010 after two officers were jailed for gang-raping a woman in custody.

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Conversely, western influence is all-pervasive and can be seen in many aspects of Indonesian life. It nearly goes without saying that you can't drive more than a kilometer without seeing a reference to western fast food in the form of the ubiquitous 'Golden Arches' or other logo.

In the shopping malls, western brands are dominant and the UK is represented by Marks and Spencers, Debenhams, Top Shop and a newly opened Mothercare to name but a few.

On tv, western shows and movies are popular, if only as a way of learning the language and in music the likes of Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga, Bruno Mars and Katie Perry dominate with a musical blandness that is all encompassing but with enough suggestiveness to capture imaginations, both young and old.

Interestingly, it is in the medium of tv/movies and pop music that this influence surfaces more and more. Teenagers are encouraged to emulate their idols in their forms of dress, speech and habits, rarely understanding the provocative nature of the lyrics of the song, dialogue of the movie and clothing choices. Walking along the street can leave you scratching your head as to the choice of t-shirt logos that the wearer (or more often the parents) are oblivious to. The most extreme example being an under-ten year old wearing a t-shirt reading " I'm a s*#t ".

A trip to the movies can leave one just as perplexed. On a recent visit to the cinema to watch The Lady in Black, I found a big percentage of the audience to be in the "under-ten" category, for what is, in essence, a Hammer horror movie. The same demographic can be applied to all movies with children being taken to watch the goriest horror and action movies. But that's alright though as the Indonesian censors remove all traces of romantic interest. Yes, decapitation is fine for all ages of viewing but Harry Potter giving his girlfriend a peck on the lips?? I think not, cinema patron.

I believe in personal censorship. If something is not to your taste then you have the option of an off button with the tv or walking out of a cinema movie. Checking with the myriad on-line write-ups can inform even the laziest person of what to expect.

It comes as no surprise then to find this position being used as a political weapon aimed at confusing the public. This extremely obvious attempt at political sleight of hand is being used by the government to distract the populace away from the more important matters of the day. Any regular reader of this blog knows that this country is beset by many issues, including corruption, transport, pollution and poverty. So, with this in mind what do the government focus on? Well here's a headline that has dominated the news recently, nearly at the expense of all other news. It's certainly what alot of people are talking about ...


Indonesia's Anti-Pornography Task Force Considers Short-Skirt Ban

quickly followed by this.......

House Speaker Says Indonesia Should Focus on 'Mini-Brains' Not 'Mini-Skirts'

So now all of the people who were looking at the current President and his inability to answer the big issues, are distracted by the debate over skirt length. Clever if you think about it.....

There are many aspects of Indonesian life which seem, at first glance, to be odd. This applies when reversed and Indonesians look at western culture too. I am old-fashioned enough that I don't want the UK to lose it's heritage and I understand that Indonesia is the same. I just don't believe that extremism and the forcing of views on others is the way to go about it and I seriously belive that it is a weak government that would use it as a 'smoke and mirrors' policy to blind people to the most compelling problems.

Contract Break

I've now been working for EF for 3 years. In the last 3 years I've worked on one-year contracts that have been extended. This years meeting took place in January and I agreed a two-year contract which takes me through until 2014.

The difference this year is that I will take an unpaid break between contracts. Previously as one contract ended on the Friday, the next contract began on the following Monday. This year is different though. As regular readers of this blog will know my Dad is suffering from cancer so I want to go back to see him. My mum is also furthering her efforts to become Bionic by having a new knee fitted just before I get home so I imagine I'll be the chauffeur for a while too. Finally, my Nan died on Wednesday, a day before her 97th birthday, so as I won't be able to attend the funeral, it will still be nice to go and pay my respects when I get back.

I'm taking a month as holiday. I went back to the UK in December but that was just for a week and nowhere near long enough, with flight times I was probably only there for five days. This time I have chance to catch up with loads of people who I really should start to get in touch with to confirm plans.

I'm flying into London, arriving at midday on the 27th April and heading straight to Hoddesdon to catch up with friends there including Myles O'Neil who'll be returning the favour and visiting me in August in Indonesia. While in the South I hope to meet lots of old friends and work colleagues before working my way up North to stay with my parents.

Really I have no other plans than that. It's going to be just spending time with family and friends. No particular plans for sightseeing, it's all about the people. One thing I do know is that I'm going to miss my girlfriend Yohanna very much. It's my biggest hope that we can return to the UK together for a holiday this Christmas so we'll see what happens.

As great as it's going to be being abck in the UK I know that I'll be ready to get back and as the holiday is unpaid I'll need to get back to get some cash in the bank heheh.

My Nan passed away last night

“Our death is not an end if we can live on in our children and the younger generation. For they are us, our bodies are only wilted leaves on the tree of life.”

“As a well-spent day brings happy sleep, so a life well used brings happy death.”

“A dying man needs to die, as a sleepy man needs to sleep, and there comes a time when it is wrong, as well as useless, to resist.”

I’ve been considering the life that my Nan has lived and I think the quotes above are most appropriate.

For anyone who has the fortune to live a life so long, it can be blessed with events that fill each day, or it can be waiting for the longest of sleeps.

Even at the end, Nan was fighting to hang onto this life. I like to think that this was because she loved each day so much, she just wasn’t ready to forego the experiences yet to be enjoyed.

In many ways this fighting nature captures her sense of spirit, and it is that spirit that I shall choose to remember forever.

She was always the helping hand and the soothing voice, always there with a piece of pie or a cup of tea, wanting nothing more than to involve herself and be involved in the lives of her family.

I had the immense fortune to live very closely, for a short time, with Nan and my Grandad, her beloved Harry. Even though I find myself many miles away, the thought of them finally together again brings a smile to my face.

Love you Nan. Enjoy your rest, you’ve earned it.

Daron.

The road less travelled...

I have always loved just getting in a car or on a bike and seeing where the road takes me. I think this goes back to the days when I was a kid and Mum and Dad would take my brother and I out on a Treasure Hunt drive. Admittedly we knew where we were going, to a certain extent, as we were following clues, (easy for a copper you’d have thought) but still, the concept’s there, right? Day 6 in Belitong (Thursday and my penultimate day here) this was my chosen activity.

Heading out of Tanjung Pandan I first of all stopped near the town’s port. Next to the dock is a thriving market place so, camera at the ready, I went for a wander. Buying some sate sticks from a roadside vendor, i was munching on these as I took in the sights, sounds and smells of the place when i passed a coffee warung, full of blokes drinking coffee. Shouting at me to sit and join them, I thought what the hell, pulled up a chair and sat down.

As I’ve mentioned before, tact and diplomacy don’t come into Indonesian questioning techniques and the questions came thick and fast. The oldest guy in the group, at 61, spoke the best English, so when I or his confederates struggled with bahasa Indonesian he was usually able to help out.

The ringleader of the group whose name escapes me informed me that he was ‘Polisi’ and I, as expected, showed the correct amount of awe and respect for his position. Next minute, the same guy takes down a guitar, asks me if I like Liverpool, which I assume to mean the place, and heads into a version of Englebert Humperdink’s ‘Please Release Me’. At the third time of hearing the chorus I get the idea that he wants me to join in (the others are beckoning me to do so) and I’m a sucker for ad hoc Karaoke so happily obliged. A slight change and we’re into ‘The Green, Green, Grass of Home’ which suddenly turns into a whole table chorus. A great way to enjoy a morning coffee. What’s significant is that no alcohol was involved.

Following the coffee and impromptu sing-song I continued walking around the market, admiring the variety of foods on offer and then headed back to the bike. Seeing a sign for Sijuk, it seemed like as good as any to follow and I quickly found myself in the middle of nowhere. Putting my bag on the floor of the bike, I put my camera strap around my neck and made frequent stops to take photos.

I was amazed to find so many schools and I must look into the different types that I saw. I’m not sure of the population of the island but there are plenty of kids, I just assumed they were more homeschooled. I also found two signs saying ‘Homestay’. This is often where you stay in the room of a families’ house and share their food for a small charge. Might be a nice idea next time I visit.

I must have spent a couple of hours riding round the island. Alternating with the helmet on and off (because of the unforgiving sun) and it’s on the road less travelled that you see the most interesting sights. Today I passed my first albino Indonesian, which must be one of the cruelest jokes to play on humanity. I just mentioned the heat and I can only assume this poor girl of maybe 10 or 11 came from a tough background. She’s riding on a moped with her mother, but there is no cover, not even a hijab, to protect from the ferocity of the midday sun. I saw kids leaving school, the majority are primary school age. I did see secondary school kids too but they’re mainly girls. This is a pragmatic island. The boys work, the girls learn, or so it appears.

The road that I found myself on eventually brought me out at Lor-In, one of the more upmarket places to stay on the island and located very close to Tanjung Tinggi so, realising my location, I headed to Tanjung Tinggi for lunch. The Udang Goreng, Tempura style prawns, were served with a spicy, sweet sauce and an iced tea. I was joined in the middle of it by an Indonesian guy who I took the opportunity to ask questions of. I was wondering about how much it would cost to buy land and build a house. The response was a bit complicated but I got the feeling that the land would be about Rp70,000 per square metre. I need to do some more research but this is definitely an island with potential. I think it will get busy really quickly and it may be worth picking a good spot. The only thing is that there is little in the way of land registry and planning applications to understand what the government or individuals might be planning to do. It would be horrible to build a dream house here and then find that it’s right next door to the local waste disposal site!

Lunch over, I headed back to Tanjung Pandang to get some mosquito cream and bite cream. I had a run in with the Nyamuk Air Force last night and I don’t really want a repeat.